this year hasn't been great. i still feel the same. i feel out of place. my life hasn't feel real. it feels as if i've been floating and when things get bad i just fall down. i tried to get out of my bubble and stepped out of my comfort zone but i feel like it's not for me.
i've been locking myself in my room these days. i don't want to meet anyone, let alone talking to them. i don't want anyone to bother me. i feel safe here in my room. i'm scared to get out of the house. it gets lonely most of the time but i feel more comfortable this way.
i don't want to do anything. i don't want to be anything. i don't want to think. i don't want to feel. i just want to keep hiding until everyone forgets me so i can slowly disappear from everyone. i have no desire to achieve anything in this life. so don't tell me to live my life and find a dream for me to chase after. i don't want to make any plan for my future. i don't even think i'll live that long to be planning shits.
i just want to stay here and breath. just let the day pass by like the wind. that's the least i can do because i can't die yet. i'm alive because i can't die. i'm alive but i'm not living.
looking back at my life, it's confusing me. i feel like i've been here and there but i'm still stuck at the same place. i feel like i've lived so many different lives but i'm still the same. i feel like i'm not me. i don't feel real at all.
it's been like this for years. i feel dead for the past few years. i feel like i skipped being 18 and 19. suddenly i'm an adult. i'm not but i am. if you ask me what i want to be in the future, i'd say "nothing". i lost the spark and passion for my future since i was 19. forget my future, there ain't gonna be one.
don't you be telling me to do shits. just do your own things and leave me alone. i don't need your opinions. i'd rather suffer alone. i don't want to live my best life. i don't mind living this pathetic life and not doing anything.
just be grateful that i'm still alive when i should've done 'it' years ago.
;)
No comments:
Post a Comment
Dah habis baca? Arigatou gozaimasuuu! Eh, nak komen? Boleh, tapi jangan kasar-kasar ya? Trimasss