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I want to give up. But I can’t. If I give up, that means I am weak. I don’t want people to see me as a failure. But I am tired. Tired of nothing. I just lay on my bed all day, neglecting my responsibility as a student, ignoring my assignments and cry every night. I feel exhausted mentally and emotionally. I lose my passion for the things I used to love doing. It’s hard for me to get out of my bed. Am I stressed or am I just lazy? This is the reason why I don’t want to open up. I am afraid that they will say I am just lazy. I fear their judgements. What should I do now? I have a lot of works to do. But I couldn’t care less. I have a scholarship and I need to score well in every semester. But I don’t have the urge to get up and start working. At the same time, I am worried about my future. I am afraid of what it holds. Maybe I am going to end up being a failure and a disappointment to my family. I don’t want to be disgrace; I’d feel a lot more miserable if that happens but I want to give up. I want to stop this.

People always say that quitting is not an option. Why? Can you please tell me? Why can’t I? I just don’t know if what I am doing now is what I really want in my life. I am confused and lost. Can someone please tell me how the world actually works? Can someone please explain why this world seems to be colorless and lame for me? What is it that we are looking for in this life? Are we going after the same thing? Is it money? Love? Happiness? Or are we just going with the flow because other people are doing the same? Are we running just like the time? What are we chasing after? Does anybody know what they are looking forward to in this world or there are people who also don’t know where to go just like me?

I have so many questions. I think about them every second. It’s tiring to not know the answers after thinking about it every day. I feel helpless.

Tell me, is it wrong to be sad? Is it wrong to avoid everyone? Is it wrong to leave things undone?

Am I wrong?

@10.10 pm / 15.3.2021